What affect you most in life?

It's amazing, how a certain feeling or a certain memory could affect your whole preferences in life.

Just last year, my playlist was full of desperate and heartbreak songs. Now it's full of desperate but hopeful songs. Hahahaha.

Point is, people change. We all are. No matter how small, the change will happen, for better or worse. Me? I think I changed a little bit for both side.

This one particular song that I currently very fond of is Beautiful Things by Tori Kelly. I adore her since years ago. But never really pay attention to her other songs that is not quite mainstream popular. But somehow I stumbled upon this one on Youtube and still can't get it out of my head.

The music is great, just the sound of Tori singing with an acoustic guitar (Yes, she is that talented). The melody sounds like a nice lullaby without Tori trying too hard to show her singing talent. If you know what I mean. She's not performing, she's expressing her feelings.

Just like the tittle, the lyric is beautiful. No promises made, no pressure about it, just about someone's feeling towards a particular person. Just an adequate mount of fear, anxiety and hope which is very much acceptable for most human. And it's rather comforting, not suffocating at all but feels liberating instead.

Since I used to be very emotional and very bad at processing feelings, the song give me this peaceful and content vibe that I rarely got before.

I'd been afraid
I'd been away too long
Every city whispering your name

Won't ask you to wait
But darling when I get home
I'm hoping that you might still feel the same

If you go, I think I'd understand
It's not that easy holding my hand
But you should know, that I miss you all the time
And I wish that I could tell you that we'll be alright
But I can't be where you are tonight

I only dream beautiful things about you
So waking up always seems to hurt
And I hate goodbyes

But I will try to make them work
If you choose to break my heart when I return
If you go, I think I'd understand
It's not that easy holding my hand
But you should know, that I miss you all the time

I wonder..

It was never felt this way before.

I wonder.

All the feelings that I've ever known before. Are they real?
It was so different. There is no such thing as odd feeling that used to hit me hard like before.
Was it the person that completely different? Was it my heart that already grow beyond its limit?

I wonder..

I can't even remember when it started. The feeling is growing.. expanding..

I wonder, will I ever survive?

I don't know where this story lead. All I know is that I'm grateful to be able to feel joy again. From a simple joke that could entirely shake my core. For a genuine smile that brings me warm. For a simple touch that makes me long for time to stop. For certain moment that takes my breath away.

And for days full of hope..

I wonder..

Will it have a happy ending after all?